The ick: why you suddenly go off someone

Everything was going well. Good conversation, good laughs. And then you saw them run for the bus, backpack bouncing. That was it. You got the ick.

What is the ick

The ick is a sudden turn-off towards someone you liked, almost always over a small detail: how they eat, how they clap, how they say “babe” or how they order at a restaurant. They haven’t done anything wrong. You just suddenly can’t see them the same way. TikTok is full of videos tagged #theick.

What the science says

In 2025, psychologists Brian Collisson, Eliana Saunders and Chloe Yin published one of the first studies on the ick. They started by analysing those TikTok videos to see what triggers it, then surveyed single people.

It happened more to people who are more sensitive to disgust, who have narcissistic traits and who set very high bars for a partner. Women reported it more often.

One caveat: it’s an online sample, with self-reported data. Take it as a clue, not a law.

Here’s our take

The ick sometimes says something about the other person, and often says something about you. If it hits you with everyone and over anything, it might not be a lack of chemistry. It might be the bar, or a fear of getting close.

Sometimes the ick is a signal. Other times, an excuse with very good aim.

What it looks like in a chat

• Them: “Night night, my little strawberry bonbon.”
• Your head: “I’m moving abroad.”
• Reality: it’s a cheesy nickname. Nothing more.

How to know whether to listen to it

• Ask yourself if it’s a value or a habit. Being rude to the waiter is a sign. A weird sneeze isn’t.
• Give it a second chance. Lots of icks fade once you get to know the person better.
• See if it repeats. If everyone gives you the ick by the second date, the pattern is yours.
• And if it doesn’t go away, that’s fine. You can’t force attraction. Say so kindly and move on.

Here you get to know each other first through how you think and what you write. By the time you finally meet, the bus thing hardly matters.