Affinity · 2 min
Sapiosexual: falling for a brain (but not just any brain)
For some people, what attracts them first is how someone thinks. What being sapiosexual means, what the most-cited study on it found and why being a genius doesn’t make you more attractive.
· This is my message
Some people notice the eyes first. Others fall for someone who explains, at two in the morning, why octopuses have three hearts.
What does sapiosexual mean
It comes from the Latin sapiens (wise) and describes someone who feels that intelligence is what attracts them most in a person: how they think, how they talk, what they’re curious about. It can happen to anyone, whoever they’re into. It’s the door someone gets in through.
What science says (and the surprise)
In 2018, psychologist Gilles Gignac and his team at the University of Western Australia studied it with 383 people. Three findings:
- It’s real, but it’s a minority. Almost one in ten people scored high as sapiosexual.
- Kindness wins. On the list of what people value most in a partner, intelligence came second. First: being kind and understanding.
- Smarter isn’t always more attractive. Attraction rose up to an IQ of about 120, smarter than 9 in 10 people, and from there it dropped a little.
You don’t fall for the smartest person in the room. You fall for the one who thinks at your pace.
Our take: it’s not a number, it’s a conversation
Why would it drop? Here’s our take: what attracts you isn’t a number nobody sees, but feeling the conversation flow. Someone a bit quicker than you is exciting. Someone far quicker can make you feel you’re always one step behind. It fits what psychology has said for decades: we’re drawn to people who think like us.
What it looks like in a chat
- You: “Pineapple on pizza: yes or no?”
- A reply that tells you nothing: “haha dunno”
- A reply that wins you over: “Depends. Are we talking pineapple as a fruit or as an act of rebellion?”
If you think you’re sapiosexual
- Look for questions, not degrees. Curiosity is more attractive than a CV.
- Test the conversation early. If you’re bored by the third message, they’re not your person.
- Don’t mix up smart and kind. The study is clear: intelligence counts, but kindness counts more.
That’s why there are no photos here: the first thing you see of someone is how they think.